Nakago's camp
by blessedarethecracked
Summary: A few years down the line and Nakago decides to open a summer camp for those who are in denial about their sexuality. :D . Demons are poked awake by large and pointy sticks when he sees who one of his applicants is! MADNESS!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, don't even ask me WHAT I was on or lacking (my mind? hmmm..) when I wrote this. Insanity follows. aargh. Oh, and yes, the title does have two meanings, if you get what I mean... :D Insanity!!**

So what do we have here then? An aging ex-suzaku seven who tried to kill me several times destroyed most of my soldiers, stopped me from becoming a god and in the end killed me. Unsuccessfully. Yes Tamahome, well done, its taken you long enough to realise. I'M NOT DEAD. And you know why that is? Because your wife brought me back to life. Oh spare me the dramatics don't look so surprised you always knew she had a thing for me. Otherwise she'd have never come to me that night. Yes, I am perfectly aware that it was me that tricked her into thinking that if she slept with me that she'd win but the facts remain, she came. Wasn't bad either.

Ok, so you know that we never slept together, well whatever, she still brought me back to life, that's got to count for something. But that's not why were here, is it Tamahome? Don't look at me like that its not my fault you.. well.. let yourself go a bit. Can't say I blame you though, all those long haired boys in soldiers outfits.. that Nuriko really was something. Shame I killed him really. But again, reminiscing about that good old days isn't why were here. Oh, by the way you did find your family didn't you? I never liked pointless murders, now don't start trying to kill me again, remember while you're here you have to obey me. Now, its quite simple, you'll be here for four weeks on a tight training schedule while we subtly try to break your mind. At the end of every week you'll have a chance to tell us how much you feel you've improve and at the end well have an awards assembly where each person has a fully public confession. Friends and relatives welcome. You're uniform's over there, Amiboshi will send you to your cabin and dinner's at seven. Oh, and the first thing we need is a signature to say that you accept why you're here.. If you could just sign on the dotted line under where it says that you've come here because you're in denial.. lovely. I guarantee in a month you wont be able to recognise yourself… possibly because you'll be in women's clothes, but that's just a plus. I'll make a fruitcake of you yet Tamahome. Oh, and you might want to think about regrowing your hair while you're here. I was so upset when it was hacked off.. Lights out is at nine, don't fret I'll come and check on you to make sure you're tucked in, but don't tell the others or they might get jealous. Oh, and Tamahome? When you write to Miaka will you please ask her NEVER to wear pink again? It clashed with her hair terribly… anyway, thank you darling. NEXT.


	2. Chapter 2

**You know things are getting serious when the cross-dressers join in.. I wish I owned Nuriko.. or Tasuki.. or Chichiri .. but I don't .'sob'. anyhow. many thanks to Kristall for poking me to continue with the other characters, more is yet to come! enjoy! and! review! **

"Ohh, your majesty, don't do this to me when we've come so far! Just a few more steps to go and then-"

"No! Don't want to! It's all lies! LIES do you hear me!?"

"that's it, just one more step-"

"I'm not TAKING bloody steps, I'm being DRAGGED in an EMBARRASSING and UNDIGNIFIED MANNER that's BREAKING my NEW HEELS as I dig them into the ground and getting DUST in my freshly conditioned and otherwise BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

I grimaced at the sight of the protesting emperor being hauled as lightly as anything by Nuriko who was in full drag. Arriving at my feet, the emperor was dropped in the dust and sat weeping over the state of his hair. Nuriko had a coy grin plastered to his face as, with a flourish , he produced a pink feathered quill and signed both of their names up.

"I d-don't want to!" Hotohori cried again as Nuriko dragged him to his feet and patted his head.

"But of course you do, how else will you admit your burning desire for me?" laughing gently, he turned to me "oh this is just such a good idea - you have no idea of the grief he's been giving me" sniffing loudly, he opened his palm which contained a misshapen ring " he threw this back at me last night" he moaned, wiping a non-existent tear from his eye.

"Nuriko" Hotohori whispered gently

"what is it your majesty?"

"It...offends me to see myself in this state. I feel most urgently that my hair needs to be washed and my skin moisturised until flawless" more tear rose in his eyes "how could I ever have let myself been seen like this? The shame of it…"

"oh, don't worry your highness, you're still beautiful to me" Nuriko soothed, supporting him around the waist and taking the key to their room from my hand.

"Really?" he whispered, clutching at him desperately

"Always."

"You'll be sharing" I added.

"But of course" Nuriko smiled gently as if to an infant, flourishing his hand to bat away and ridiculous notions that they wouldn't be.

"and.. Nuriko?" I asked

"yeeees?"

Surveying the perfectly styled hair, the women's clothing and the flawless makeup, I raised an eyebrow "remind me, just why exactly are you here?"

Smiling sweetly, he squeezed Hotohori's waist "well you couldn't expect me to leave him could you? Oh, I can't bear to think of us apart!" he cried "Besides, I'll be setting a good example for the others"

"Nuriko!" Hotohori cried, desperately gesticulating at his hair

"of course, of course" he smiled sweetly, gliding away with his arm around him.

I noted them down on the married couples section of my register, but was distracted somewhat by the sight of a furiously arguing monk followed quickly by a raging bandit. "ah…next…" was all I could find to say.


	3. Chapter 3

**G'day strangers! so sorry about the lack of fanfics, things are slightly more than hectic here and i've not even have time to READ any fics, let alone write them! 'cries' anyhow, heres the latest on Nakago's camp, keep the reviews coming cos I love to hear from you even if I dont get back to ya!**

Steepling my fingers and intensifying my bewildered glance into a glare, I watched with displeasure as the cyan haired monk and the carrot-topped bandit approached, leaving behind them a whirlwind of destruction as their quarrelling escalated.

"Am not!"

"ya liar!"

"I'm not the liar!"

"Who you callin' a liar?!"

"you, estupido"

"Don't call me stupid!"

"It's the truth, no da, why not?"

"Cause… Cause…" searching for an answer, the bandit looked fiercely at me and pointed to the monk. "Cause he's gay!"

"am not!"

"liar!"

Raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow, I cleared my throat to break up this little… disagreement… Annoyed at being interrupted, Tasuki flung his iron fan at me.

"REKKA SHEIN!"

Gritting my teeth, I clenched my lightly toasted knuckles and blew out a sigh. Man that guy was annoying.

"What do you want?"

Looking up from their simultaneous headlock, they both pointed to each other-

" " He's gay " no da!"

" " AM NOT! " "

"the first thing you should know" I drawled "the words 'I am not gay' are a one way ticket into this place. No da." I added with a sarcastic bite of a long day. The effect was immediate. I found myself pinned to a tree. Now normally this wouldn't be a problem in any way, but the half drunk bandit was.. Intimidating..

"DON'T YOU DARE TAKE THE PISS OF 'CHIRI! HE'S THE MOST HONEST, CARING AND GENUINE GUY I KNOW AND WORTH TEN OF YOU, YOU FAKE BLONDE!" Tasuki hissed. There was a hollow thunk as Chichiri brought his staff down heavily on his head.

"Calm down Tasuki, your hair's on end , no da" this caused instantaneous yelping, smoothing of the hair and hair spray to appear. Nodding at the bandit, the monk calmly signed Tasuki's name up.

"He's in denial, no da. He's jeopardising our friendship by insisting he's straight, so I reckoned you'd be able to help, no da."

"ME jeopardising our friendship?! That's it, if I'm going, so are you!" Tasuki growled, grabbing the monk by the waist and slinging him over his shoulder comfortably, giving me the impression that this was a position both were very much used to… the monk, smiling a most mischievously knowing smile.

"A-ri-ga-to!" the monk cried, flopping gracelessly on the bandit's back with every step Tasuki took. Adding their names to the married couple list, I loosened my heavy jacket.

"NEXT"

And then suddenly someone appeared over the horizon. And suddenly I wished to god I'd never had this idea. And suddenly black spots danced in front of my eyes as I tried to flee but tripped over Amiboshi. And suddenly… everything went black.


End file.
